21
No one never ever told be, how hard it would be to say goodbye to your new home, to your new family and to your new friends. People only used to talk about how hard it is to leave for your exchange. And when it is the moment we, international kids, slowly realise this journey is coming to an end and there is nothing we can do about it we just don't know what to suddenly do. The time flies so fast.
I would say that now that I know that its almost time to say goodbye I have mood swings every 5 minutes. Once I can't wait to go home, I would start packing immediately and other moments I find myself crying not wanting to leave this all behind.
So how in the World are we all suppose to say goodbye?
Well I don't know. How do you say goodbye to people that you might find yourself better friends with than those ones home? It was easier saying goodbye before, because you knew, there was this insurance, that once this is over you will get to go back. But not this time. Once you pass the security on the airport it is gone. Just like that, you will never get it back...
I found myself today sitting on the stairs with my best friend, a person that became the most important in my life, and realising after 21 days I might never see him again. And how do you say goodbye to that? How do you say goodbye to your friends you see everyday in school, that hug you every day, that you share the same story with? I am scared, scared that these people will forget about me once we all go back to our lives back in our "home" countries.
Canada, oh dear Canada, and even dearest Salt Spring Island... Only if I could explain how much all of this means to every single piece of me. I grew up, I became independent and I could try how does it feel to take care of all the money (trust me its not easy) :D I became this person I wasn't before I came here. And once I go back I will be shaped differently again.
You will come back home to your best friend, to the people that will hug you on the hallways and to people that will share similar stories with you. And these people will become important to you. They will be different people, and you might even find yourself not being comfy with people you used to be before. And even thought it is scary I guess it is okay.
For all people that are waiting for us to come home and just can't wait. We can't wait to, well a part of us. Don't take this bad, we love you so much, we missed you and there were days we wish we could be with you immediately. Don't expect us to be all great the first day we arrive back home. We will be hurting, hurting hard cause we left another home. Be patient with us, most of our stories now will start with: "When I was on my exchange..." and we will get annoying. But please understand that we changed, we are not the same people you said goodbye to 10 months ago on the airport terminal, and there is a high chance you aren't the same person too. Understand that there will be days when we will just wanna be hidden under our blankets crying and being sad. Missing our life back in our "host" country. This feels just like another exchange for us, trust me. We come back home yet things are not the same, we need to adapt again. Go through the natural part of grieving and don't kill us that we will be on our phones most of the time texting to our friends on the other side of the world because the time change is not helping us. Only thanks to you we got this opportunity to call home 2 places. Only thanks to you we can have family around the world. We are one big international family. And I know I will forever have home also in Brazil or Germany. Home is no longer a place. We are thankful for this opportunity but please understand that saying goodbye wasn't even close to easy.
Honestly waiting for goodbyes is the hardest. You know it will come eventually but you just have to wait, and sometimes you would rather have it all done. And thats okay... I will never ever ever forget. These memories, these people, these places are unforgettable. It is THE chapter of our lives that made us independent. It is a chapter we will always love coming back to and shed a few tears and laugh for a little while. Exchange will always be a part of me or you. And that is what makes the leaving hard, what makes the goodbye unimaginable
So when it is time to say goodbye lets pass that. Goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting. Lets just say until we see each other again! Cause my heart will forever be yours and yours forever mine. And we never forget about that.